I met a young girl a while back who had come to me concerned because she felt that she was a lesbian. She wanted to date a girl but she only ever attracted boys. Her friends would tell her to just settle for what she could get because she was too girly to have a relationship with another girl. She wondered if she should date men and just abandon her search for her lesbian soul mate.
Absolutely not! She likes what and who she likes. It’s not her friends’ choice. She needs to stay the way she is and not change for anyone. I personally know a lot of lesbians that love girly girls. They love girls for a reason. Doesn’t matter how she dresses. If you think about it, males like girls that are pretty and girly. If a lesbian wanted a manly girl, she would just be with a man. Don’t get me wrong, there are lesbians that love the butch type but there are many that don’t. She should never abandon the search because there is someone out there for everyone. She is out there and I am sure she will find her.
If you are a lesbian or bisexual, never be afraid of your sexuality. There is no stopping who you are. Your true friends will accept who you are and love you for you. And if they don’t, then they don’t matter anyway. Being lesbian is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it makes life more interesting.
So where can you meet some lesbians? This is a tough one for anyone new to the lesbian/bisexual scene. The first place I can think of is the lesbian bar. In many cities and towns, a lesbian bar could be the only place to meet women. If you’re not much of a bar/club groupie, try going on a weeknight when it is a bit calmer of an atmosphere and more friendly.
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Another good place to go is a gay and lesbian centre. Most major cities have one and it can be an excellent place to meet people. Many gay and lesbian centers have support groups, rap groups, book and movie groups and political action activities. Find one that feels right for you and you’re sure to meet other like-minded lesbians and bisexuals.
Every town has some kind of a recreational sports team, whether it is softball, volleyball or basketball. Almost every lesbian and bisexual I know loves sports. Some towns have whole leagues for gay and lesbian athletes; others have teams that are “known” to be the teams lesbians play on. You don’t have to be an athlete to get in on the action. Sports like softball and soccer often have many lesbians in the stands watching. It’s a great place for people to watch and start a conversation with a stranger.
If you’re looking for a lesbian partner with similar interests to your own, get involved in activities that interest you. Volunteer at the local animal shelter; join the local gardening club or bird watchers group. The lesbians who are there may be few, but you know you’ll have something in common with them.
A really good way to meet them is through friends and co-workers. Don’t be embarrassed; let them know that you want to meet other lesbians and bisexuals. Have them invite you over for dinner or a game night. Let them know you’re just looking to make friends. Once you meet one or two lesbians that you get along with, you may end up meeting their friends and be welcomed into a whole new circle of people.
Then there is the Internet. One of the best places to meet lesbians to date and also a great place to meet women for friendship. You can put an ad up that says you’re just looking to make friends and answer other women’s ads that say the same thing. Who knows, you may even hit it off with someone and take it further fairly quickly. Do be careful meeting people on the internet! Always meet in a very public place a few times until you get to know the person well.
I know for a fact that every major city has a neighborhood where gays and lesbians tend to live. There’s sure to be a coffeehouse where the lesbians will congregate.
The last place I can think of is the local gay paper. There may be personals ads, a calendar of events or announcements for dances, plays, art shows, concerts and other activities. Check out one that interests you. Invite a gay-friendly straight friend to come along if you’re too shy to go by yourself.
One more thing I want to add to this subject is recognizing when a lesbian is interested in you. All women flirt the same whether it is with a man or a woman. Lots of touching and giddiness, a lot of eye contact, completely engaged in conversation, it is really not hard to tell. They will make it pretty obvious that they like you. So don’t worry, have fun and be yourself!